Linda's Lightline

HOLD FAST
By Linda Woodward

This past year has been one of the toughest years of my life, especially the first half of the year when my father died. Because of that, God has been closer to me then ever before and He wants me to share with you what I have learned. By simply going back to my columns as I was writing my way through the valley, I learned distinct lessons. I think looking back and seeing God a step ahead of you along the way, is the greatest attitude adjustment one can experience and I try to do it all along life’s road, especially the heartbreaking parts.

“You Could Learn A Lot From Leigha.” Written in December ‘06, I couldn’t have started out ’07 in a better mind frame for survival, although I didn’t know it at the time. But God did. The first week of January my dad ended up in the hospital and the rollercoaster ride through the valley got underway. This column, about how I have become so much like my special needs daughter just by being her mom, reminded me of the true meaning of trust. The trust she has in me and the trust that I had to have in God to ultimately survive what was heading my way right around the corner. Childlike faith. That column taught me to hold on to God’s hand with all of my might. To just trust.

“The Journal.” was written in January when everything started to spiral out of control. I actually wrote this column as a sort of distraction for myself as I was going through the depths of the valley, while my dad was struggling to survive. Now I see it was a lesson in listening to God and what He was telling me: to trust what I hear. The column’s focus is on God telling me to send a journal to a mom whose sons were getting ready to go to war…..I listened, and the out come was amazing. By remembering to trust what I hear, I could more easily trust when later that month I heard “it’s time to protect yourself” in the battle I was currently in. I never would have believed those words, “protect yourself Linda”, had I not just learned again to not doubt. I also learned that writing down your thoughts was God’s message not just to the receiver of the journal, but to me as well.

“Don’t Deny It - Do Something” was written in Feb. when things were at their worst. “Is it nothing to you, all you who pass by.” Written right before he died, this column was me sharing the pain of feeling so alone and helpless in my situation. I truly felt like the homeless people who had been sitting under that sign---lost and alone. But this column was filled with God phrases for me to take to heart. Like this one: “You can give without loving but you can’t love without giving.” As I look back on it, it was God bracing me for what was to come, so that I didn’t deny it -- I didn’t live in denial but instead dove in with all of my heart to give my dad all my love and more when he needed it most. When he too, was feeling like those homeless people under the sign: lost and alone. Don’t live in denial, dive in with all of your heart. Can you live with what is inside of you if God forbid something happens and you didn’t?

“This One’s For Daddy - And You”: This was written so soon after my dad died, that I cried with every word that poured out. My heart was so raw and open and I knew if I could just get it out on the page it would be immensely powerful for the readers -- and immensely healing for myself. My publisher at the time, sent back this note when she read it: “Wow. That was powerful.” My editor said he couldn’t stop crying when he read it. I told them it was incredibly hard to write but even harder to live. That column began a very slow process of healing. In reading it back it showed me how God still had my hand --- He had not let go through it all . When I prayed to God to answer my dad’s prayer to help him, it was a prayer that I knew would be answered. That is what made it so hard to pray it. God did answer it, and He took my daddy home.

“The Moment Linda Was All That God Created”: I still don’t fully understand the power of this column or the impact this incident had in my life. Several years earlier, I stood in my first church, all alone, and looked up to God and said simply, “This is where we first met. Thank you.” I had never written of it but God put it front and center on my heart right after my dad died. By writing it then and recreating the feeling I had as a child of God (I was about 4 or 5 when I left this church) He again brought back that feeling of utter trust --- that of a child. After my dad died, I was broken and crawling, but from that angle all I could do was look up. Looking back I see that He again was getting me in the mind frame of childlike faith, absolute trust, and holding on to His hand -- which is where I needed to be when the devil came to play shortly after. I stayed down and just looked up, clutching His hand.

The columns after that all had different purposes: “Come Walk with Me”, which I thought to be almost fluff writing, was in actuality me slowly walking through my healing…it stretched over two months in the magazine which was the publishers idea at the time…and now I realize that God was showing me this walk to healing would be slow…….by writing every step of an actual walk I took, He reminded me of the simple things that make Linda smile. Love. Smiles. Flowers. Sunsets. Stars. The ocean.

A lot of wisdom was shared, enough to know that by having me look back to find Him last year, He is bracing me for what lies ahead. Showing me that He was there. He is there. He will always be there. He’ll be there for you too. Just believe.

“What I’ve learned in my life, one thing greater than my strife is His grasp. Hold fast.”

I’m holding fast - I hope you are too.