By Michelle Rocker
Casting Crowns has a song called “I’ll Praise You In This Storm.” The name of the song says it all. It is easy to praise God when things are going your way, but what about when they aren’t?
Matt Redmen wrote a song called “Blessed Be Your Name.” The bridge says, “You give and take away, but my heart will always say, ‘Blessed be your name.’”
Well, I can tell you that there have been many times I have said, “I don’t think so!” with my hands on my hips. I am more like Bruce in the movie “Bruce Almighty.” At his breaking point, he finds himself in the road and dares God to just smite him dead.
In I Samuel, chapter 1, we discover the story of a woman named Hannah. Her husband, Elkanah had two wives, Hannah and Penninnah. Penninnah was able to bear children, but Hannah was not. Back in this time period, that was considered a disgrace. Because Elkanah loved Hannah so much, he would always give her a double portion at meal times because he knew she felt like second class next to Penninnah.
Well, Peninnah was a hope drainer, and she took every opportunity to say, “Nanny, nanny, boo, boo!” to her rival, Hannah. Hannah was not impervious to these awful words. She wept and even refused to eat. I think it would be reasonable to say she was pouting. Justifiably? Sure! It is rough when you feel like you have been praying for something forever and it seems like no one, even God, understands the depths of your despair.
Elkanah could not figure it out. (I want to say something mean like, “typical man,” but I’ll repent.) Anyways, he was obviously concerned and told her that she meant more to him, then if she gave him ten sons.
I have heard this story so many times, but something stuck out to me. I have always heard Hannah presented as a woman with great faith. She went with her husband to the synagogue to pray, but in verse 10 it says: In bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the Lord. The definition of bitterness is: Having or being a taste that is sharp acrid, and unpleasant, causing a sharply unpleasant, painful, or stinging sensation, marked by resentment or cynicism.
I don’t think her entire prayer was this beautifully worded plea. We aren’t told her entire prayer. It is very interesting to me that none of the bitter words she uttered to God are printed in scripture. The only words we have are the vow she made to God. This says to me, that this is something that the Lord listened to. I Samuel 1:11: And she made a vow, saying, "O Lord Almighty, if you will only look upon your servant's misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the LORD for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head."
The story continues that she continues to pray. Now imagine this. You have been praying the same prayer for years. You have been treated unfairly and horribly by your rival. You have finally given God everything you have by pouring out your heart at church. Now imagine your pastor walking up to you and saying, “Are you drunk. You might want to start your prayers after you get sober.” That is what the priest of the temple said to Hannah. That would be the straw breaking the camel’s back for me. Talk about bitter, my mouth would be spewing forth a truck load of words to give him a piece of mind. She informs the priest Eli that she isn’t drunk, but she has reached the end of her rope. Eli must have seen what God saw in Hannah’s prayer. In verse 17, Eli answered, "Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him."
I believe the lesson we need to hear from Hannah is found in verse 18: She said, "May your servant find favor in your eyes." Then she went her way and ate something, and her face was no longer downcast.
That is a woman who for years had not given God all of herself. She was bitter. She was angry. She pouted. She pleaded. She prayed. She wept. It was not until she made the vow with God, then walked away trusting God no matter what, that she received the answer she desperately wanted answered, “yes.”
The story ends beautifully with Hannah conceiving a beautiful baby that she named Samuel. Incidentally, Samuel’s name means: "Because I asked the LORD for him."
Hannah was consumed with bitterness in the beginning because she could only see the thing that is wrong with her, rather then her best feature. The bad thing: she was unable to bear children. The good thing: her husband adored her. Unfortunately, so many of us women are like that.
Recently, I picked up my cousin’s little girl, Esther, at preschool. I had to take my photo I.D. to prove I was who I said I was.
The teacher said, “Oh, her mom told me you had red hair.”
I chuckled. Every time I need to meet someone that doesn’t know me, I’m identified by my red hair. During elementary school, the kids picked on me. I was called, “Red”, the “Big Red Ghost,” and on and on it went. Now, it is something that people consider my best feature. I have had women ask me the color it was called and which salon I got my hair colored at! (The Heavenly Salon, thank you very much!)
As I was waiting for Esther’s class to finish, two women behind me said, “Oh my God, your hair is so beautiful.”
Something clicked when I picked up Esther. I would much prefer someone to say that I have red hair rather then other things.
“She is extremely obese and has three rolls on her stomach.”
“She has the biggest nose, you’ll ever see.”
“You have never seen thunder thighs like hers.”
“She has a gigantic mole above her right eye.”
I look in a mirror and see the red splotches on my face. I see my obesity. I know that I have one eye higher then the other. I see that my arms are covered in freckles. I hate that my big toes are fat, and the rest are skinny. Don’t laugh! Don’t think I’m absurd. If you are a woman reading this, you could compile a list as quickly as I did.
When someone says, “What are your worst features?” Without any hesitation, we rattle off a list a mile long.
Yet, when someone asks, “What are your best features?” we hesitate and almost always have an “uh” in there.
Listen to how people identify you. It is very rarely your worst feature. People always identify me by my hair or my smile, and I realized something. People see those, before they see an overweight woman (which I so happen to think is my worst feature). We as women look in a mirror and see our worst feature. People may notice your worst feature, but they most often notice your best feature too. Instead of looking in a mirror and seeing your worst feature, look for your best one. You might actually find you like something about yourself.
I think many of us even get bitter about something we can’t change about ourselves. That robs you of the joy that you can have. In the end, Hannah’s worst thing, turned out to be her best. She is in the Bible because God healed her inability to have a child. I have found that women aren’t afraid to approach me because I wear my imperfection. Women can be so judgmental. The fact that they see me as not perfect, makes them unafraid to talk to me. My husband always laughs because I’ll be gone for two hours just to “pick up a few things at the store.” I get home and he asks who I was talking to this time.
A few years ago, I went to get a pedicure for the first time. I walked into the shop, and the majority of the workers were Asian, and spoke broken English.
As I sat down, she rolled up my pant legs, and said, “Oooh! You white!”
She then proceeded to jabber in her own language and point to my legs. They all proceeded to laugh. Rather then be upset, I laughed my butt off. (Sidebar: I wish that statement could be true.)
I wonder what Hannah missed out on by being so bitter with Penninah. Instead, she allowed the taunting to get to her. She could have enjoyed the children. She obviously loved children. But instead, she pouted and let the bitterness consume her.
I have a girlfriend that was unable to have children. I have seen her cry over it. It is a deep wound in her life. But rather then pout, or being angry, she works in the children’s ministry volunteering her time. For Christmas, she hands out free babysitting to her friends, and takes the kids to Chuck E. Cheese. She buys different children Christmas presents every year. She attends baby showers, and talks about how much fun she had shopping for a baby. Because of her love for children, family after family, have been blessed by her generosity. Rather then having one or two kids, she has hundreds at her finger tips.
When you find bitterness eating away at your mustard seeds of hope, pray your way through the bitterness. God isn’t in shock to find out that your bitter. He is a mind reader, you know! So, pray tell him all about it, make your way through the bitterness. Then trust God to answer the way he sees best. Walk away with your face no longer downcast. Psalm 37:4 says, Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Purge your bitterness through prayer, and then lift that head high. God has heard you!
copyright © 2007 Michelle Rocker. All rights reserved.