Choosing Forgiveness
By Michele Connell
"And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone,
forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses."
-Mark 11:25
As I drove past my mother's childhood home deep wells of bitterness spewed forth. Everything was gone! The new owner demolished the home, along with the contents, a few weeks earlier. I was devastated that my deceased grandmother's things were trashed - years of memories discarded and burned, and it was all Joey’s fault.
I turned the car around and headed home fury bubbling inside. Uncle Joey sold the property for mere pennies! Astounded, my mother consulted a lawyer and discovered the deal was legal.
For over a year we had searched for Joey in an attempt to help overcome his drug addictions - leaving notes, calling his friends, neighbors, anyone who might know where he was hiding. It seemed the harder we searched the more elusive he became. Now....well, the search was over! All we fought to preserve and maintain for Joey's sake was gone.
"Now what?" My mother asked the evening I told her they were clearing the property. Her tears set off fresh waves of anger.
"It's over. Joey lost it - he'll have to deal with it!" Trenches of despair widened in my heart; hardness settled over the remaining places.
"Forgive Joey." The soft voice of the Holy Spirit urged.
How could I forgive? His betrayal left a canyon too wide to bridge.
“Forgive.”
Two years passed, and my mother reached a settled place in her heart. She loved her baby brother and wanted to know he was safe. I, on the other hand, didn't care if he had a place to live, food to eat; my emotions were completely empty where Joey was concerned.
Then one day, during my prayer time, I came across the scripture in I John 4: 20, "If someone says, "I love God," and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen." It was a cold, hard slap!
As if my eyes suddenly opened from the veil of blindness I finally heard the words within that verse. How many times had I read this scripture before? I knew the word of God, knew what it said, and yet allowed my bitterness to close my ears and darken my understanding. I had become a hypocrite.
But I loved God! I was faithful in church. I even began Co-Hosting a Christian talk show sharing the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. How could I be a hypocrite?
But do you love Joey?
The still, small voice prodded for truth. I wanted to lie - hide the wounds and stop the inner turmoil - but the sword of the Holy Spirit filleted my carefully constructed walls cutting straight into my heart.
How could I go to church proclaiming unconditional love and still walk with unforgiveness? How could I tell surrounding regions about God’s goodness and grace and never extend it toward flesh and blood? Outwardly, my wound looked sufficiently mended, but as the Lord began removing the stitches a messy, putrid hole gaped.. God allowed me to see the true condition of my heart, and I wept in anguish. I had to forgive.
"Joey called. He’s living in a motel and wants to see me." Mother sounded nervous her voice tinged with underlying hope. A mere two weeks had passed since my new revelation.
"Are you going?" My heart throbbed as old anger pricked and darted into the exposed wound. I sent up a silent prayer pushing the bitterness down. "You should go."
Later that night Mother phoned again. "He’s very depressed, even talked about suicide. Said that he thinks about it every day, and kept asking me to forgive him.“ “And did you?” I asked.
“Yes. He needs help, honey.”
I could feel the old skepticism rising, “So what made him come out of hiding now……after all this time?”
“Well it’s amazing. He saw one of the programs while flipping through channels; he saw you and started to cry.”
“How did he know about the show?” I replied sensing the amazing presence of the Lord at work.
“He didn’t,” her voice turned somber, “he was holding his gun ready to end it all and there you were.” It sounded almost unbelievable, and yet our proof was Joey’s call. The Lord moved in a miraculous way.
“ He needs his family," she added cautiously.
"How was he when you left?" I asked instead of replying to her unspoken concerns.
"Better." She sighed. “He's coming to church Sunday, and knows he needs to get his life in order. He's hurting."
The following Sunday Joey walked into church and gave his life to the Lord. In that moment I saw Agape love in action. The Lord erased the mistakes of the past and wiped the slate clean, not just for Joey, but also for me. I fell to my knees in repentance for all the anger and unforgiveness I'd harbored. How easily I became the hardened Pharisee - blinded by my ways and yet feeling self-righteous in my attitudes.
As I hugged the man I determined never to see again waves of joy and peace washed over my soul. In that moment I chose to forgive because I had been forgiven. A picture of Jesus hanging on the cross flashed through my mind, and I was reminded that though beaten and agonized with pain Jesus chose to forgive those who hurt Him -- not because they deserved it, but because of His grace, mercy and love toward all men.
God had a greater plan for Joey‘s life.
Where I wanted to secure the land of my heritage, and help Joey through addictions, God wanted Joey secured in the Kingdom - living his life for the Lord out from under curses of darkness. The Lord is my inheritance. The material things are gone, but eternal things will last forever.
Another soul was snatched from the clutches of the enemy the day Joey walked toward the altar, and for that I am forever grateful. The word says that His (God's) ways are not our ways, and His thoughts are not our thoughts.
Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope."
By Michele Connell
"And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone,
forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses."
-Mark 11:25
As I drove past my mother's childhood home deep wells of bitterness spewed forth. Everything was gone! The new owner demolished the home, along with the contents, a few weeks earlier. I was devastated that my deceased grandmother's things were trashed - years of memories discarded and burned, and it was all Joey’s fault.
I turned the car around and headed home fury bubbling inside. Uncle Joey sold the property for mere pennies! Astounded, my mother consulted a lawyer and discovered the deal was legal.
For over a year we had searched for Joey in an attempt to help overcome his drug addictions - leaving notes, calling his friends, neighbors, anyone who might know where he was hiding. It seemed the harder we searched the more elusive he became. Now....well, the search was over! All we fought to preserve and maintain for Joey's sake was gone.
"Now what?" My mother asked the evening I told her they were clearing the property. Her tears set off fresh waves of anger.
"It's over. Joey lost it - he'll have to deal with it!" Trenches of despair widened in my heart; hardness settled over the remaining places.
"Forgive Joey." The soft voice of the Holy Spirit urged.
How could I forgive? His betrayal left a canyon too wide to bridge.
“Forgive.”
Two years passed, and my mother reached a settled place in her heart. She loved her baby brother and wanted to know he was safe. I, on the other hand, didn't care if he had a place to live, food to eat; my emotions were completely empty where Joey was concerned.
Then one day, during my prayer time, I came across the scripture in I John 4: 20, "If someone says, "I love God," and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen." It was a cold, hard slap!
As if my eyes suddenly opened from the veil of blindness I finally heard the words within that verse. How many times had I read this scripture before? I knew the word of God, knew what it said, and yet allowed my bitterness to close my ears and darken my understanding. I had become a hypocrite.
But I loved God! I was faithful in church. I even began Co-Hosting a Christian talk show sharing the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. How could I be a hypocrite?
But do you love Joey?
The still, small voice prodded for truth. I wanted to lie - hide the wounds and stop the inner turmoil - but the sword of the Holy Spirit filleted my carefully constructed walls cutting straight into my heart.
How could I go to church proclaiming unconditional love and still walk with unforgiveness? How could I tell surrounding regions about God’s goodness and grace and never extend it toward flesh and blood? Outwardly, my wound looked sufficiently mended, but as the Lord began removing the stitches a messy, putrid hole gaped.. God allowed me to see the true condition of my heart, and I wept in anguish. I had to forgive.
"Joey called. He’s living in a motel and wants to see me." Mother sounded nervous her voice tinged with underlying hope. A mere two weeks had passed since my new revelation.
"Are you going?" My heart throbbed as old anger pricked and darted into the exposed wound. I sent up a silent prayer pushing the bitterness down. "You should go."
Later that night Mother phoned again. "He’s very depressed, even talked about suicide. Said that he thinks about it every day, and kept asking me to forgive him.“ “And did you?” I asked.
“Yes. He needs help, honey.”
I could feel the old skepticism rising, “So what made him come out of hiding now……after all this time?”
“Well it’s amazing. He saw one of the programs while flipping through channels; he saw you and started to cry.”
“How did he know about the show?” I replied sensing the amazing presence of the Lord at work.
“He didn’t,” her voice turned somber, “he was holding his gun ready to end it all and there you were.” It sounded almost unbelievable, and yet our proof was Joey’s call. The Lord moved in a miraculous way.
“ He needs his family," she added cautiously.
"How was he when you left?" I asked instead of replying to her unspoken concerns.
"Better." She sighed. “He's coming to church Sunday, and knows he needs to get his life in order. He's hurting."
The following Sunday Joey walked into church and gave his life to the Lord. In that moment I saw Agape love in action. The Lord erased the mistakes of the past and wiped the slate clean, not just for Joey, but also for me. I fell to my knees in repentance for all the anger and unforgiveness I'd harbored. How easily I became the hardened Pharisee - blinded by my ways and yet feeling self-righteous in my attitudes.
As I hugged the man I determined never to see again waves of joy and peace washed over my soul. In that moment I chose to forgive because I had been forgiven. A picture of Jesus hanging on the cross flashed through my mind, and I was reminded that though beaten and agonized with pain Jesus chose to forgive those who hurt Him -- not because they deserved it, but because of His grace, mercy and love toward all men.
God had a greater plan for Joey‘s life.
Where I wanted to secure the land of my heritage, and help Joey through addictions, God wanted Joey secured in the Kingdom - living his life for the Lord out from under curses of darkness. The Lord is my inheritance. The material things are gone, but eternal things will last forever.
Another soul was snatched from the clutches of the enemy the day Joey walked toward the altar, and for that I am forever grateful. The word says that His (God's) ways are not our ways, and His thoughts are not our thoughts.
Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope."
Copyright © 2007 Michele Connel. All rights reserved.